Dear #846,

How do I even begin to describe what we had? As young as I was, I know now that it was you who introduced me to love itself. Before you, my perception of love was what I would see in movies and read about in books - unrealistic. Movies insist on portraying love as a fairy tale, giving us false hope that love is all you need in a relationship, and that is so far from the truth. And I learnt that from our relationship. I also learnt that timing is probably more important than love, when it comes to a lasting relationship. (Probably something you readers don't agree with or don't want to hear, but that's my point of view) If you were still the boy you were then and we met today, as the girl I am now - I know it would work. I mean, it would be magic...

(See readers, I had this rule when I was younger..a stupid rule looking back on it - back then, I didn't believe in sex before marriage - I thought it was a sin and it wasn't even because of religious reasons..I just really believed it was wrong to have sex with someone who wasn't your husband. Knowing that, #846 loved me and never, not even once, asked me for sex. We did everything else, we covered all the other bases but no matter how hard that ball was hit, how far out of the stadium it went - we never got our home run)

I remember you asking me the other day..(yes he is still in my life guys - but I promise I will get to that later) if I had any regrets, and I said no. But the truth is - I have two. The first being - how I wish I met you now, and how I wish we didn't have a past. The second - God, I wish I didn't have that stupid rule. (The boy I did hit a home run with...well he never loved me at all - I'll get to that later too - a little teaser for you guys though..HE WAS A DICK!) I remember coming home with you after a party, and we were completely sober and it was probably the highest peak of our love for each other - I was lying in your arms as you were kissing the back of my neck, I turned towards to you and whispered that 'I want you to be my first. I'm ready for us to go all the way'...You chuckled with disbelief and assured me that we would get married and our honeymoon will be the night it happens, just the way I wanted it to. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday...and as my eyes water to the memory of that - I realise that you must have loved me with every piece of your heart. (For a guy to compromise that much for me - a guy to refuse sex because he knew how much it meant to me..)...I never found a love like that after you..I crave for someone to love me like that again..A part of me wishes you could love again, but people change. You've changed so much - and that is what breaks my heart every time - the fact that we could never revisit what we once had. (The boy I fell in love with guys, is now a man with a girlfriend of 3 years..who once didn't have a bone of infidelity or deceit in his body but now he reeks of it. All you can see is lie after lie after lie.. pouring out of him every time he opens his mouth.)

What happened to you? After we broke up, how did you change that much? How can a person change THAT much? (After we broke up, we didn't speak for about three years..it was actually the easiest break up I've ever had. It's ironic actually, that the only guy who truly loved me was the easiest guy to get over...I didn't even cry..not one tear could make an appearance for our funeral..)

If you ever read this..(which I doubt and hope never happens because my identity would be exposed) I want you to know how happy I am that we are now friends, after everything we had and shared together...but I need you to know that every time I see you, I cry afterwards..because your present girlfriend, who cheats on you and who you cheat on constantly (never with me, can I just add) has changed you. After being with her all your morals have gone out the window...Please see some sense..stop cheating and lying, just live with the morals you used to have..maybe then we could be together again...

TLG